


If You Forget I Love You, I Will Always Remind You

by summoner_yuna_of_besaid



Series: Ironheart [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 17:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summoner_yuna_of_besaid/pseuds/summoner_yuna_of_besaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhodey succumbs to the fears and worries that midnight introspection tends to bring to the fore - Tony reassures him the only way he knows, with a great deal of charisma, banter, and sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Forget I Love You, I Will Always Remind You

He opens his eyes, and sees darkness.

Panic thrums in his bones - but like the placid calm of a lake's surface disturbed, he settles back down into peace not long after. This is not his room but he knows this place, recognizes the dim, blurry outlines he can barely see in the dark. Now, he realizes why he was panicking, and turns his head. There is no light in the room, because Tony is on his side, curled inward, the light of his reactor baring down upon the floor opposite. That's what disoriented him, then. 

This is Tony's room, in the Avengers Tower in New York, and here, he is safe. Not that he did not feel safe before. Some nights, he has nightmares of course, everyone does. He dreams of an endless desert growing cold and dark, of a Tony Stark who disappeared into nothing all those years ago. He dreams of their fight in the suits in Tony's old house, that he lost control and did more damage than could ever be forgiven or repaired.

He didn't dream tonight. But he woke unsettled and now, it bothers him. It bothers him that he can't see the reactor, can't see that reassuring light flooding the ceiling with it's brightness, like always. But Rhodey wouldn't wake Tony or try to move him just for his own comfort. The man rarely sleeps at all, and when he does, he's like to have more nightmares than anyone. Rhodey is beyond pleased that he is resting, though frustrated that he no longer can himself.

He sits up, slowly, tentatively, because Tony wakes with the slightest ease. His watch reads 1:34, and Rhodey curses in his thoughts, that he probably won't sleep the rest of the night and he'll be tired and grumpy all day tomorrow. He's got things to do, places to go. It was nice - fantastic, to be able to drop by and see Tony, even if it was just for a little while. They're both so busy, all the time. Tony's an Avenger now, always on the move, and Rhodey has come to represent something to America and her people as the only 'superhero' on the government payroll. Their time together is less and less, and he treasures these short blissful moments.

But he's not an Avenger, and he doesn't feel... right, here. To think that he's in the same building as Captain America, as a man that wears a cape and speaks with words like 'verily' and 'forsooth'. It's so surreal - and so Tony. Rhodey's jealous, sometimes. He's been there since the beginning, been at Tony's side and tried to help him, tried to make him see, and now it seems Tony has begun to come out of his shell, begun to change, and Rhodey's not here for it. It's a bitter feeling that he does not like to contemplate. 

Standing, Rhodey decides he may as well get on the road now, if he won't sleep again, and skip the awkward goodbye in the morning. Tony doesn't seem to know how to act between his old and new friends. The Avengers have their troubles but they're a close knit group, and Rhodey is the clear outsider. He feels... off. Cap is kind to him and respectful and as a fellow soldier, seems to respect Rhodey but that's a whole other can of worms. Rhodey can hardly breathe around the man, let alone try and talk to him. No, it's awkward and clumsy and embarrassing and maybe he's not cut out for this part of Tony's life, for this aspect of him. Maybe it's best for everyone if he just goes.

"What's up, hot stuff?"

Wincing, Rhodey stops where he is. "Should've known." He turns, and whatever he was going to say is caught in his throat.

Tony is spread, lounging across his (their) bed, the sheets twisted around his legs and lower body, still a mess from their earlier escapades. He's bare, nothing but his skin and the reactor on his chest, the shimmering blue glow giving the man he loves an ethereal, otherworldly light. If he didn't know the man so well he'd think he was an angel.

Rhodey takes his time looking, because it may be a long time before he can look again. By the time his eyes have reached Tony's face, his lover and friend has taken on a suprisingly sober look. "You going somewhere?" It sounds half-teasing, but Rhodey just barely flinches. "I'm the one whose supposed to keep odd hours and disappear all the time."

"I don't get to have problems, too?"

He doesn't mean to say it - but maybe he does. Maybe he's tired and worn out and sad and afraid that this is one of the last times he'll see Tony, that this is the time that might be goodbye. Because along with those nightmares of loss and death he dreams of the day Tony Stark will be swallowed up by the Avengers Initiative and SHIELD and all this shit, and Rhodey will never see him again, not like this. Not with this intimacy, immediacy. Only as a distant smiling face on a TV special.

"Rhodey," Tony's sitting up, concern on his face, and the sheets slide down lower as he does. "Rhodey, sweetie, honey," he says and it makes Rhodes laugh just like Tony surely knew it was. "Talk to me."

They're both smiling but there's a tension there, ready to snap, that threatens to take the humor away. Rhodey sighs. He created this mess, he needs to defuse it. "Look, I'm sorry, I just - uh." But he's not sure how to. He feels like his chest is ready to burst, like he's on fire, because all of these fears have been building and building and now he's looking Tony right in the face and trying to lie about it, and all he really wants to do is take him in his arms and never let go.

Rhodey blinks - and Tony is in front of him. Long, lean, bare limbs littered with scars and burns, the light on his chest catching between the two of them, reflecting upwards upon their faces. Rhodey can see his own reflection in Tony's eyes - he looks scared. Of course he does. He's screwed this up, let his bullshit get in the way, and that's not what he's meant to do. Tony has enough to deal with, enough shit, enough problems, and Rhodey is supposed to keep his cool and take care of him. Not - freak out like this.

"Hey, hey," A hand takes his, squeezes tight, and Tony steps right into his space and just like that, Rhodey lets him. They're kissing in a matter of seconds, slow, soft, almost drunkenly what with the exhaustion dragging down both of them. But it's comforting, it's easy, and with it come a million memories. Rhodey tries to squeeze Tony's hand back, to reassure him, but he's trembling, hands shaking.

This should not be so terrifying. People change, lives change, things move on. The Avengers are good for Tony. He's been better since the Iron Man started, but still so lost, so lonely, a bitter outer shell encasing grief and despair. Sometimes, Rhodey wonders if he could have helped more. Surely he could have done something, anything -

"Rhodey," There are lips chasing tears across his cheeks, tears he didn't know he had in him. "Rhodey, talk to me," Tony talks softly, sweetly, a hushed tone most people would use with animals and children but Tony Stark reserves it for the things he builds and the people he can't manage to push away. Those lips move across his skin to his ear, tug at the lobe there for a moment before he whispers again. "You can tell me anything, you know that? I won't tell a soul, it's just you, me, and JARVIS, and nothing leaves this room."

This isn't - he can't - this isn't what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to protect Tony, it's always been that way, ever since he was a bratty teenager attending MIT with a bunch of twenty year olds who hated his guts. Since he was just a kid who preferred to at least be hated rather than ignored. That's just how it is, and maybe that's not how it's supposed to be. Maybe normal relationships would be give and take but they're hardly normal and Tony has more than most could take. 

(But that's not quite it, is it. No. Not all of it, the truth is that perhaps Rhodey clings to this because this is what he knows. Because he was lonely too, and found his heart in a boy with more charisma than common sense. Because he is a soldier and he fights for other people - they don't fight for him. He wields the gun, he suffers the blows, to protect the people he loves. And maybe he's done it for so long, he's not sure how to do anything else, anymore.)

The hand which is not holding his rises, to touch his cheek, and a thumb runs beneath his eye. The touch grounds him.

"Remember... remember the day I enlisted?"

The reply he gets is a snort. "Hard to forget. Except for the parts that alcohol made me forget, of course."

With a wet laugh, Rhodey manages, "Of course." He's still trembling, and he's not quite looking at Tony's eyes. Gaze averted towards his shoulder, where a bruise has risen in the shape of teeth and Rhodey remembers vividly the strained hiss of 'fuck yes' that action gave him. "You remember... what you said to me?"

Tony had been rubbing his thumb across Rhodey's palm, but he stops the action. His expression shuts down - Rhodey's terrified for a moment that the man is about to leave and that this will be over, this moment when he might be able to say what has been trying to escape him for perhaps as long as he's known Tony Stark. Because this is bigger than he will ever admit aloud. 

"Sure." Voice low, Tony shrugs. "I said a lot of shit back then."

"I know." Rhodey grips Tony's hand tight, reassuringly. "I get it. You're trying to be a different person now, and you are, I see it every day. I get these... flashes. Of what you would say or do before, and then you say and do something else. It still surprises me sometimes, but it always makes me happy."

A small smile flickers across Tony's face. "So. What I said. Are you... is it bothering you?"

"No, that's not -," Sighing, Rhodey turns his head, and Tony drops his hand from his cheek. It comes around Rhodey's back, Tony's arm a reassuring weight against his side as Tony closes that final sliver of distance between them, his head resting upon Rhodey's shoulder. There's still sweat in his matted hair, tickling his skin. "I'm just saying. You... you were scared, right?" He feels Tony nod into the curve of his neck, lips pressing softly against his skin, gentle shivers radiating from the spot. "You didn't want me to enlist. You were trying to be a real ass about it, but you were really scared we'd be separated."

"We were." Tony whispers. And he's right. That first deployment, boot camp, those months and years of distance... they didn't speak for a time. Part of that was the bitter departure but not all. 

"You were just starting at Stark Industries and you said you felt betrayed that I was leaving you."

A finger traces the lower part of his spine, and Tony is quiet. The guilt is so thick on the air Rhodey can feel it raising the hairs on his arms. 

"But... really... you were scared. Because we were going separate ways, and maybe... maybe it was over."

Tony's head rises. Wide eyes met his and Rhodey thinks his point's been made, perhaps in the most stilted, awkward way possible, but it is made. He's still trembling, waiting in dread for judgment, for anger, but Tony's just standing there, arms still around him, still so very close. 

His eyes narrow slightly, he looks Rhodey up and down, then closes the distance between them again.

"You know what day it is tomorrow?"

Heart pounding, Rhodey manages a weak, "No." 

"It's Thursday. Which means, Thor's turn to pick the after-dinner movie." Tony's hand rises to Rhode's neck and squeezes gently. "I had my turn Monday, I get Mondays because I'm apparently crankier according to those losers I work with and a good movie with an accurate representation of science always helps with that." 

Unable to help himself, Rhodey laughs, though his voice is still weak. "I don't think ScFy channel movies count as accurate."

"Inaccurate, yes. Funny as hell, also yes." Now they're both laughing. "So, I have Monday. Tuesdays are... Natasha? I think? I don't remember, she and Clint have the same taste in movies so they blend together."

Brow furrowing, Rhodey tries to lean back and look at his lover. "Tony, where are you -"

"Wednesday's are probably Clint - or Natasha, whatever - Sundays are Steve because no one wants to go to church with him, so we'll at least watch his crappy inspirational movies -"

"Tony, what -"

"Then, Fridays are Bruce, because the Hulk's favorite soap opera is on Fridays and he insists we Tivo it." Now, finally, Tony leans back slightly, hands rising to Rhodey's shoulders. "And do you know whose turn it is to pick on Saturday?"

Now, slightly frustrated and confused and still so afraid, Rhodey snaps back. "What the hell does this have to do with anything, Tony?"

Unfazed, his lover answers the question he wasn't asked. "It's yours."

Through the anger and pain those two words strike his heart and Rhodey gives a little jolt of surprise. "What?"

"Yup. Though I don't think you've ever hung around long enough to pick. You're always running off on big important secret missions." Frowning, Tony crosses his arm, and for the first time since this conversation began they aren't touching. "If I didn't know better I'd think our resident Pirate got his hands in you."

He's confused, but there's a hesitant hope growing in his chest. "I... I have a movie night? Why?"

"Rhodey, I don't know if you've realized this but we don't get a lot of visitors here." Tony sighs shaking his head. "My friends? They don't have friends. My friends have my friends, and my friends are Pepper and you. Pepper's probably busier than the both of us combined, so they see her even less." There's a cute little downturn to Tony's mouth now, more a pout than a frown. "Do you know what I have to put up with from these people? Thor never stops asking when the Man of Patriots is coming back to duel him in the honorable game of 'Wii Bowling'. I blame you for starting that, by the way."

Tony's spiel is interrupted by Rhodey's outburst of laughter. "He still plays that?" It had been a joke, just something for fun. They'd been having lunch, him, Tony, Thor, and maybe a few other Avengers, talking about how the new building had so few fun toys. Rhodey couldn't believe Tony hadn't stocked the place to the roof - only he had, with the things he thought were worth it. The Wii, apparently was not one of those things, but when Rhodey had mentioned the concept Thor had become intrigued. He had already become a game buff thanks to Clint, and so Rhodey had thought it would be fun to buy the man a Wii and let him try it. He didn't think... "He actually likes it?"

The pout has become a fond smile. "He complains that you didn't teach him how to play it, though." Now the smile has quickly evolved into a smirk. "And he's not even the worst. Cap won't shut up about you."

Rhodey tries to reply to that in a coherent form. Mostly he just sputters until Tony starts talking again. 

"Sometimes I'm not sure who has the worse crush, you or him. He's always on about your exemplary service this and how your a great guy that, and how nice your ass is -"

"Captain America did not say I have a nice ass!"

"Captain America did." Now he's wiggling his eyebrows like a rude teenage boy and it's ridiculous but Rhodey feels better, so much better, cleansed and refreshed and free. "Not in so many words, I mean. He's a quiet guy about that kinda thing. But given that he was so distracted by your ass when you were walking out of the kitchen that he overfilled his glass and spilled water everywhere, well - I think that speaks for itself."

Laughter bursts out of him, bubbly, childish laughter, and a thrill rushes right to his head that is both embarrassment and sheer joy. "I can't believe that happened! JARVIS, did that happen?"

"It did indeed. The Captain has also suffered a bout of distraction and clumsiness in the exercise room due to the angle at which you yourself were bent to retrieve equipment, Sir."

Beaming at the ceiling, Tony laughs. "Man's got good taste! In asses, at least. Not in clothes. Somehow the grandpa look works on him, but it really shouldn't."

"Tony." Rhodey's breathing hard, and he's happy, but he's nervous, and this is a conversation that started with tears and and undercurrent of tension which has been building for months. "Tony, I - I'm not an Avenger."

Tony steps up to him, takes both of his hands in his own, clutches them tight. "You could be. Would you like to be? Because I think you are, already, you know. Honorarily speaking. And I'm sure Cap would be on board. I think he'd be all over you - over it. All over it." 

They're laughing again and now it feels as if they've made it through, as if the dangers are over, and Rhodey has started to breathe again. He feels exhilarated, to have been so afraid and have those fears alleviated, to have been so torn in indecision, and have his lover so assured. 

Maybe this is what normal relationships are. Maybe they were always normal and he just couldn't see.

"We're still gonna be separated a lot." Rhodey starts. "I'm an airman. I have other duties."

"Yup." Tony lifts Rhodey's hand, begins kissing his knuckles. "And I'll always be waiting for you. Like an army wife. You think Steve has any old vintage dresses in that ancient closet of his? I could really look the part."

Ignoring the rambling of his lover, Rhodey continues. "You guys are a team. The six of you. I might be around but I'm not... it's not the same, is it? Iron Man has the Avengers. Does he need Iron Patriot anymore?"

Tony lowers their hands, steps right into their space, and seals his lips over Rhodey's, demanding, insisting, fierce and forceful. Between the brushes of their lips he leans just enough away to speak, still so close they are breathing the same air.

"I will always need you," he says, "I will /always/ need you. Tony Stark, Iron Man, Superhero, ordinary guy in a good looking suit. I'll always need you." Tony leans back. Between them the blue glow lights them up, and now, Rhodey is certain the man before him is some kind of angel - not holy, not blessed, just fierce and bright and overwhelming and he can't get enough. "The Avengers are my team, my - my co workers, and sometimes they might be my friends on good days. But you?" 

"You're my - Rhodey, Jimmy, James. You're mine. My heart, my soul, my everything, you're all I have. I could leave the Avengers tomorrow, I'd be fine... eventually. You?" Framing Rhodey's head in his hands, Tony speaks with such sincerity and devotion it's... well, it's moving. "It'd be the end of the world without you."

The fall against and into each other, limbs intertwining in a mad dance for the bed, heat rising, pushing and pulling and writhing, until they are a huddled mass beneath the sheets, sweating and panting. Tony sinks into sleep quickly, resting upon his back, the blue light of the reactor lighting up the room.

Rhodey lays his head upon Tony's shoulder, right up against the light. It's bright, almost blinding. But the fact that it is there means something, and he needs the reminder tonight.


End file.
